Rogue access points provide attackers with powerful capabilities, but in 2016 modern privacy protections such as HTTPS Everywhere, free TLS certificates and HSTS are de-facto standards. Surely our encrypted traffic is now safe on the local coffee shop network? If not, my VPN will definitely protect me... right? In this talk we'll reveal how recent improvements in online security and privacy can be undermined by decades old design flaws in obscure specifications. These design weakness can be exploited to intercept HTTPS URLs and proxy VPN tunneled traffic. We will demonstrate how a rogue access point or local network attacker can use these new techniques to bypass encryption, monitor your search history and take over your online accounts. No logos, no acronyms; this is not a theoretical crypto attack. We will show our techniques working on $30 hardware in under a minute. Online identity? Compromised. OAuth? Forget about it. Cloud file storage? Now we're talking.