Analysts believe there are currently on the order of 10 billions Internet of Things (IoT) devices out in the wild. Sometimes, these devices find their way up people's butts: as it turns out, cheap and low-power radio-connected chips aren't just great for home automation - they're also changing the way we interact with sex toys. In this talk, we'll dive into the world of teledildonics and see how connected buttplugs' security holds up against a vaguely motivated attacker, finding and exploiting vulnerabilities at every level of the stack, ultimately allowing us to compromise these toys and the devices they connect to.