y = mx+b? f(x) = sin(x/freq)*amp?! SIN X = (A+BX+CX^2)/(P+QX+RX^2)?! None of these formulas as they stand alone really mean much of anything-- except maybe a headache for some. Isolating the variables, however, will eventually open the door for us to manipulate our code in creative and exciting ways. This isn't necessarily a ground-breaking technique in obfuscation, but who cares if it's fun? Given an arbitrary formula, we can place our code anywhere we like. It doesn't even need to be a traditional f(x) formula like a sinewave, either-- all we need is a number and some constants. Draw your code in circles? Sure! Sexually harass a reverse-engineer by the shape and girth of your code in memory? Hell yes! This talk will attempt to teach a functional method that allows for the random placement, concatenation and manipulation of assembly instructions for the attempt of filling up a reverser's swear jar. You don't need to write any assembly-- but you better come knowing its mechanics.