A.P. Delchi started out with a TRS-80 and a dream : To escape farm country. Since then he has derailed his professional career by associating with the hacker community. This includes rocking the house as a DJ for the Cult of the Dead Cow, covert operations for the Ninja Strike Force, professional power drinking with 303, and giving spiritual guidance to Attack Research & Offensive Computing. Taking a break from these stressful activities he has presented at Pumpcon, Defcon, HOPE , and professional engagements discussing information and physical security, automated reverse engineering, network analysis and incident response. In-between bouts of employment, he has also authored the someday-to-be-published graphic novel CHOWN. Utilizing this unique background and a list of accomplishments that can not be discussed in polite company, he has achieved the holy grail of network defense : being able to prevent Valsmith from breaking into a secured computer network.