Always wanted to be a 1337 penetration tester capable of deciphering Kryptos while simultaneously developing your own custom 0-days? Then this is NOT the talk for you. We will however make you laugh by presenting an honest look at the life and times of a penetration tester today. We promise to open your eyes to aspects of the job you may have not considered before (at least we hadn't considered them before we started). Drawn from personal experience, this talk will focus on the myths and realities of penetration testing as a "for-sale" service. We love being penetration testers but we're pretty sure the guidance counselor forgot to mention there was a dark side to all the fun. We got the job with a little knowledge, a couple of lamer exploits, and high expectations. We expected firewalls and IDS to be the only thing standing between us and our beloved shells, but it turns out something far more sinister waited for us. Deadlines, timelines, reporting, scope, budgets, and chubby fingers quickly reared their ugly heads and threatened to smash our dreams. Like all PT'ers before us, we soon found out how important each of these topics are and what a critical role they play in our day-to-day activities. Join us for a unique and humorous 20-minute presentation as we air the dirty laundry about the mechanics of penetration testing and open your eyes to the untold aspects of best job on earth.