3AlarmLampScooter is an enigmatic armored mammal of the genus homo sapiens sapiens sapiens troglodyte found in caves and tunnels across the southeastern United States. As moderator of the subreddit /r/Neutron, 3AlarmLampscooter's enunciation espouses pervasive communication via excavation to protect from radiation and conflagration. When above-ground, 3AlarmLampscooter is a vocal transhumanism advocate developing 3D printed construction materials.